My God, It's 2025

Who would have ever thought we'd be here, am I right? We are about to enter a period of unbridled chaos that will likely not end until 2029, assuming it ever ends. The summers are too hot, the job market too volatile, and social media too soul-sucking. The more naive of us may be holding out for a hero, some kind of supernatural savior who just walks out of a corn field one day and takes away Elon's phone or Donald's Big Mac. But we both know that's not going to happen. Superheroes don't exist in the real world, so the only thing someone like you or I can really do is what we've always done when things get tough: disassociate.

To weather the coming storm, I've decided to adopt an entirely new persona for the next four years. Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like you to meet Cool Daniel™. If there was anything to like about Uncool Daniel, it has been amplified in this new and improved version of myself. Here's a little of what you can expect:

• Cool Daniel™️embraces the chaos of the oligarchy that runs America. If it weren't for billionaire looney tunes, we wouldn't be able to drive by the monstrous Tesla plant while listening to ads on the radio from the Central Texas Food Bank. Sure, it would be great if the success of one of our residents benefited all of our residents, but sometimes you just gotta build huge buildings in the middle of nowhere because ego.
• Cool Daniel™️doesn't have any social media apps on his phone. In a recent study he made up for this bullet point, men who had Instagram, Threads, Bluesky, TikTok, etc. on their phones were seen as 738% less attractive by females. Deleting all the apps probably didn't move the needle much for me, but every little bit helps.
• Cool Daniel™️doesn't eat to be happy anymore. My body weight increased 17.49% last year, which has led to a series of cascading failures unlike anything I have ever seen before. There comes a time in every man's life when he has to admit he's not 22 anymore, and Cool Daniel™️is freaking aware of it.
• Cool Daniel™️doesn't market his books much anymore. He doesn't care for Instagram Reels or clever posts on Bluesky. His tolerance for advertising to other authors is effectively zero. Cool Daniel™️is going to focus on his website and Amazon Ads. Whatever happens after that is up to Cool God™️.

Even though every New Year is an adjustment to a new number, 2025 feels different to me. It's so round. So easily identifiable on the timeline. I will be 45 years old this year, which means I may see 2050 but probably not 2075. I would have liked to see another century turn over, but considering how much this reality nose-dived after 2000, maybe I'm better off dying before then.

This year, I'm looking forward to reconnecting with people in the real world and keeping things more local than ever. Less Amazon, more Book Burrow. Less strangers on social media, more meeting friends for dinner downtown. Less buying things I don't need, more making do with what I have.

My writing goals for this year include:

• Finish revisions on House of Nepenthe and begin querying.
• Upload the remaining short stories to /short-stories so members can read them.
• Finishing packaging Bartering Nola so I can have a reader magnet that tricks people into subscribing
• Begin work on book nine without telling any of you anything about it except that I'm very excited to write it. It will be my magnum opus, my Symphony No. 9 in D minor, my Vince Young's final season as a Longhorn. I hope it's good.

Anyway, Cool Daniel™️wishes you a Happy New Year and hopes that all of your hopes and dreams come true in 2025. Or, if you choose to disassociate, may your profile photo maker app work as well as his.

Now go out there and make this your year!