All Things Considered

As some of you may know, my wife, Dominique, and I, had a son a couple of years ago. Recently, this son has begun throwing temper tantrums–throwing himself on the ground, flailing on his back, and screaming. However, and this is the gooey center of this Drumstick anecdote, our son is already smart enough to understand that the floor is essentially a sheet of vinyl on concrete, and thus, rather hard and potentially damaging. So it happens that our son, in the midst of throwing himself on the ground, will fall down, lay on his side, and then very gingerly, deliberately, and with careful consideration of F=ma, lay his head down on the floor. Once said head of said son is on said floor, he will proceed with his tantrum.

Of course, this measured approach to his tantrums in which he is fully cognizant of the dangers of smacking his head, lead me to believe his tantrums are not of any real substance at all, and are, as the layman might say, total bullshit.

UPDATE: El Matador went too far with his antics and actually smacked his head on the ground. This has not, as I would have hoped, discouraged him from throwing the aforementioned bullshit tantrums.

My 10 Greatest Achievements / Failures of 2017

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As each year comes to a close, it’s important to look back on everything you’ve done in the last 365 days and tell yourself either good job or you suck. Because what is life without judgment, either internal or external? If you don’t grade yourself, how do you know if you’re #hashtag winning? Exactly. So here you go, 10 of my proudest achievements and 10 of my darkest moments of 2017.

10 Greatest Achievements

  1. Got my son to sleep on 5.29.17.
  2. Got my son to sleep on 8.12.17.
  3. Got my son to sleep on 12.30.17.
  4. Got my son to sleep on 7.01.17.
  5. Got my son to sleep on 11.26.17.
  6. Got my son to sleep on 11.25.17.
  7. Published my 4th novel, Por Vida, in April.
  8. Got my son to sleep on 11.27.17.
  9. Got my son to sleep on 9.18.17.
  10. Completed the zero draft of Book 5 on 12.31.17.

10 Greatest Failures

  1. Did not get my son to sleep on 12.31.17.
  2. Did not get my son to sleep on 8.22.17.
  3. Did not get my son to sleep on 11.28.17.
  4. Purchased the Dark Tower movie instead of waiting for it to show up for free on Hulu.
  5. Did not get my son to sleep on 6.19.17.
  6. Did not get my son to sleep on 7.31.17.
  7. Did not get my son to sleep on 12.25.17.
  8. Drew First Blood from my son on 12.18.2017.
  9. Did not get my son to sleep on 11.29.17.
  10. Did not convince Richard Linklater to make a movie out of Veneer.

Honestly, nothing really compares to the pride I feel when I get El Matador to sleep. It’s literally the best thing I can possibly do with my time. And, conversely, when he continues to wail and his momma has to come take over, I feel like a failure.

Oh well! Here’s hoping I get better at it in 2018!

Enjoy all your free time, people without kids!