Stories I Tell My Son: The Strawberry Farm

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Once upon a time, there was a dragon. In this dragon’s ear was the biggest strawberry farm you’ve ever seen. Everybody loved the dragon’s strawberries, but the only person the dragon allowed to pick them was Little Matador. And the only reason he

No, not Little Matador. Little Matador Chick.

And the only reason he allowed Little Matador Chick to pick his strawberries was because Little Matador Chick had very soft hands.

It’s good, Dada-Bird.

And every time he would go to pick a strawberry, he would sing a little song like this: thank you dragon, for your strawberries, they are nice firm. Please don’t breathe on me, because you breathe fire, and you will make me very warm. Goodbye, Dragon, I’ll see you tomorrow, I’m taking these strawberries home. I will give them to my wife, I will give to my children, and I will give them to a gnome.

And the dragon said, “It is a very nice song, but you know, gnomes aren’t real.”

And Little Matador Chick said, “Gnomes are very real. And they eat strawberries all night.”

So Little Matador Chick took his strawberries home, and he said to his gnome friends, “What shall we do with these strawberries? Shall we cut them up? Shall we chomp them whole? Shall we put them into a smoothie?”

One of the gnomes, who was not very pleasant, said, “Let’s take the strawberries outside and throw them at children.”

Little Matador Chick said, “No, we don’t throw things. We don’t throw strawberries at children.”

And the angry gnome said, “But I don’t like children. They’re always screaming and running around.”

Matador said, “That’s what children do. Children scream and laugh and play and run around. That’s no reason to throw strawberries at them.”

We can hug, Dada.

And the angry gnome said, “Fine, give me my strawberries, and I’ll go throw them at children.”

Just then, Bobby Bones… oh my god, Bobby Bones… Bobby Bear came home, and Bobby Bear said, “What’s this then? What’s all this talk about throwing strawberries at children? You know you can’t throw strawberries at children, they’re much too small! You should throw mangos at children! They’re much bigger and guaranteed to hit!”

Matador said to Bobby Bear, “You’ve been drinking again!”

*Laughs*, stop! That’s the end?

The End.

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